Story blog

My internet dating profile / Bob the pool ball

Posted in Uncategorized by Amy on 08/05/2009

Maybe in a parallel universe you’d be able to read 20 words on a page and instantly get who I am and what I’m about. But since we’re in this world, here’s a story about a pool ball called Bob…

Sick and tired of being pushed around, Bob the pool ball decided to go on a little vacation. So he got his stuff together (like his lucky lighter, and his passport with the weird photo where his face looks fat although it’s really not) and he rolled himself along the fake grass, faster and faster until he took off.

The flight was uneventful, and Bob was pleased to discover that the complimentary peanuts were honey and not dry-roasted. He ordered a bloody mary, then wondered if that made him look sexually ambiguous, then thought that if he was Spanish or Italian he wouldn’t have to worry about such things. But Bob was English, and so was compelled to worry about both his appearance and his social status on a regular basis.

But as he landed, these thoughts started to drift away, and Bob found himself sinking into a state of deep relaxation. He wasn’t just calmer, but also felt lighter, as he found himself floating on the surface of a strange, pleasing, amber pool. As bubbles massaged his aching paintwork he breathed in the hoppy smell, and was just starting to drop off when he noticed the cylindrical wall of glass encasing him. Bob was claustrophobic and the glass appeared to him like a prison within a hall of mirrors. ‘I have to get out’, he thought desperately. But it was too late, drowsiness took over, and he sank beneath the surface into an abyss of terrifying tranquility.


One Response

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  1. Amy said, on 08/05/2009 at 12:35 am

    If this is a bit flaky it’s because I wrote it in 5 minutes while high on tortellini. But you’ve got to have a strict upper limit on time spent composing your dating profile before you have to cash in your self-respect.

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